


Hand Print

by Niler



Series: Common Ground [5]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-01-22
Packaged: 2018-03-08 16:10:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3215339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niler/pseuds/Niler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Set and written June/July 2014.  This is the last one I wrote in the series.  The nature of the project is for the series to never truly be complete, but that's all I've written (and possibly all I'll ever write)</p>
    </blockquote>





	Hand Print

**Author's Note:**

> Set and written June/July 2014. This is the last one I wrote in the series. The nature of the project is for the series to never truly be complete, but that's all I've written (and possibly all I'll ever write)

 

HAND PRINT

 

 

 

They’d discussed it, of course, and had agreed that it wouldn't change anything.

Zayn had been adamant. “Babe, yeah, of course it makes a difference, course it does, but not enough of one for it to make me change the way I act towards you.”

And since he'd thought the same, had accepted it, left it at that.

Well, of course it had made a difference; made every damn thing different, although to be honest it was sort of disorienting realising that there were no outward signs at all.

Anyone who didn't know was definitely none the wiser, could not have known, not by simply looking at them, though of course they'd certainly started acting differently.

Soon as they'd signed the papers he'd felt it, felt that sense of relief, but more than that – a powerful sense of ownership that had hit him hard in the solar plexus, and which he could only assume, judging by the way that Zayn had been behaving, had hit him too.

Zayn had started acting like a Mother Hen – more so than he usually did – and Liam had had to fight the urge to call him on his 'not gonna change, babe. Uh-uh, nope' bollocks.

But he couldn’t really blame him – it was different, so damn different.

He had honestly not expected that at all. For all the fantasies he'd had of being official, of them being together in that way, he'd not anticipated the emotional and psychological impact that simple act would make.

God, it hadn’t even been the ceremony proper, simply the legal form of it and yet it had taken the legs right from under him.

When they eventually held the ceremony complete with the gravitas of the Islamic rites, the families there decked in the appropriate dress (his mum and sisters were beside themselves in anticipation of being let loose in a Pakistani bridal store, especially the bit where the jewellery was kept) he and Zayn stood together, exchanging vows, he was absolutely certain he'd make a fool of himself and bawl his bloody eyes out.

He'd been practising his Urdu, but knew damn well that when the time came he was going to fluff his lines.

He hadn't ever considered marriage (not in that way, the way girls apparently did from the earliest age) and thus had never thought to picture himself in that situation – making solemn vows before family and friends, saying them to the person he loved with all his heart.

Since he'd met Zayn, however, he'd done nothing but think of it!

Didn’t really know how he'd even found the courage to ask him, knowing as he'd done by then that if it ever happened it would be big, bigger than anything he could even imagine. Zayn took it all so seriously, tied to his religious beliefs as it undoubtedly was: marriage, family - serious, serious business.

So it was most definitely going to be big - big and bloody scary.

Each and every time the thought came to him – 'you're marrying Zayn in front of an Imam, taking vows in Urdu...his entire family there watching' he pretty much quaked in his boots.

It was undoubtedly going to be the scariest thing he had ever, ever done – a performance for which he had to be completely on point, pitch perfect.

The way they'd both changed once the legal contract had been signed merely added to the pressure, since it was now clear (in case it hadn't been before) that being together, being wed was absolutely no ordinary run-of-the mill thing, but something keyed to their future happiness.

And that's why he was going to make sure it was the best day of Zayn's life - of his life.

Absolutely nothing else mattered.

 

 

**

 

Zayn's never been okay with Sophia, but since they got married he's even less so.

Nothing much Liam can do, not like it's their choice, after all, but it makes him die a little inside each time he takes in Zayn's tight lipped silence whenever the team give him his instructions.

Zayn doesn’t say much, of course, since it's not about trust or reassurance – he simply hates that they're still doing this, will still be doing this for months to come, and won't try to make Liam feel better about it. Well, it's not like he ever tries to make Zayn feel better about having to do his duty with Perrie, either.

It's something they don't talk about, outside of the days when duty calls, refusing, these days, to let it impinge on their lives more than necessary.

They've learned those lessons the hard way, and since each knows how the other feels there really isn’t (these days) any need to comfort or reassure.

It's just annoying as fuck.

But while, yes that's certainly so, the one massive perk in all this is that it gets Zayn ultra possessive, which is something Liam knows will just never get old.

He'd had no bloody idea what a turn on that would be.

And no, of course he doesn't do anything to get him that way, but having him get that way is something to which he will not ever say no.

For all that Zayn's so intellectual, so good with words, he's also very much a man who believes that actions speak much, much louder than words, and there are occasions, thrilling times indeed, when he really doesn’t do much talking at all, letting his body do all the communicating he wishes.

Since the marriage his possessiveness in the bedroom is at an all time high.

Whoever thought that a wedding ring could also serve double duty as aphrodisiac...

 

 

**

 

It's like they're waiting, simply silently counting down the weeks, months...

It's wonderful to be in Europe, to be on tour.

Who could say no to such a life?

And yet there are many, many days when he looks at Zayn's head on the pillow next to him when he knows he'd give it all up in exchange for a quiet, happy life with him; anonymous, yes, even ordinary, working in a factory in Tamworth, but together, happy.

He knows it'd probably be even harder for them – working-class guys in love, living together, inter-racial couple, one of them a half Pakistani Muslim, but he'd go for it, knowing that no matter where and how he met Zayn he'd want him, would rearrange the fucking solar system to be with him.

Sometimes it all seems so surreal.

How the fuck did they end up here – luxury hotel in Europe, rich as fuck – at 20 for fuck's sake, fans screaming for them every single night.

How?

How, too, had he somehow managed to meet 3 guys who meant so much to him, whom he loved with everything in him?

And how in god's name had he ended up with the guy he'd fallen in love with the first week they'd met?

He had never considered himself blessed – well, his mum and dad were fantastic, his family was fantastic – but that wasn't what he meant.

He'd always felt that life was pretty hard, that he'd had to try harder to achieve equilibrium than most, and when he'd met Zayn and got to know him a little bit had fantasied about being his best mate, fantasised about Zayn choosing him rather than Louis for a best mate, and he'd told himself not to, not to do that to himself. Louis and Zayn were so much more suited. He knew he wasn't the kind of best mate anyone wanted – not the good looking, talented guys anyway.

And at first he'd felt he was justified in not hoping – it was obvious Zayn and Louis were attracted to each other, shared a sense of humour lost on him.

And he settled for simply being someone they all tolerated.

But Zayn liked him - that much soon became clear.

And he continued to tell himself not to hope, to simply downplay it all, not read more into it than there was.

It was pretty clear that Zayn would get bored with him as he'd got bored with whatever sexual games he'd been playing with Louis.

And since that would obviously hurt him while having no effect on Zayn, if he didn't allow even the ember of hope to sit in his heart then when it was eventually swept away by whatever girl - or boy - Zayn took up with it would hurt less than to have the actual flame snuffed out.

But Zayn was in love and Liam hadn’t even understood what that looked like.

He was in love and he hadn’t understood that either.

He was so confused, because he was with Danielle and yet the only real emotional connection lay with Zayn.

When he was with her he thought of Zayn, and after a while hadn’t even bothered to try stopping himself, hadn't even felt guilty whenever he let himself put Zayn in her place.

As far as he was concerned, at the time, that was the only way he'd ever have him, the closest he'd ever get to being with him, so had allowed himself that small fillip, keeping the secret close to his chest, so as to be able to interact with him in a normal way during the bright daylight hours.

He recalls lying in bed beside her, entertaining fantastic scenarios of him with Zayn – not just sexually, but just of them being together, being more than friends.

He had honestly never expected that to happen, to be here 3 years later with him, married to him, so in love he sometimes felt he'd die from it.

But then, look at all the ways his life had clanged.

He's inclined these days to believe that it's so much better that no-one ever gets to see the future.

He isn't sure that if he could have had a preview of some of the ways his life would turn out he'd have bothered turning up for that audition.

He is certain, certain with all that’s in him, that some way, somehow he and Zayn would have eventually crossed paths, so he knows that staying in bed that day wouldn't have altered that.

They’d have met – of that he is 1000% certain.

 

 

**

 

|Zayn's amused by the obsession with his hair, though since he's equally obsessed can certainly sympathise with it...

“You wanna feel it, babe? Go on, get your fingers right in there. Ahhh, push them right through. Ohhh, that feels good, doesn't it?” He's taking the piss, riffing on his prior (constant, to the point of redundancy) assertion that Liam gets orgasmic whenever his fingers touch 'the locks'.

It's not true, of course, but Liam lets him mock since it clearly amuses him...

He does as he's told, running his finger slowly, lightly, then more firmly into the thick mass - just to satisfy him - but will elect, however, to say nothing at all; to make not even a single sound of admiration, nor anything approaching orgasmic pleasure as the soft strands flow over the sensitive skin of his fingers.

But this, too, anuses Zayn and he laughs, pushing his head against Liam's chest, looking up at him through eyelashes (which in Liam's increasingly besotted state appear somewhat longer, blacker and silkier than ever), clearly asking if he really thinks he's fooling anyone.

Can't win.

Though what the heck's wrong with appreciating a decent head of hair?

Not like it's a perversion, a kink of any kind ...

He just loves his hair...

“You wanna help me wash it?”

Liam shrugs in what's meant to be an 'I can take it or leave it' kind of way, telling his hands to leave Zayn's head alone, though hardly surprised when they ignore his admittedly feeble 'command'. “Not bothered. You want me to?”

“Yeah.”

And this surprises Liam – he'd expected to be teased a lot longer, eventually inveigled into admitting that he would happily spend the next four hours playing with Zayn's hair, no problem at all.

But Zayn's letting him off the hook, meeting him more than halfway by making it clear that he wants Liam's hands in his hair as much as Liam wants them there.

And as always he feels his belly react to this, to the evidence of love and desire, in the way that he prays to god he will never get used to...

“I suppose you expect to be carried.”

Zayn grins. “If you need to do that, okay, I'll let you,” and makes himself available for lifting.

“Oops,” Liam says, hefting him off his feet. “Watch out!”

“What?”

“Not sure the three of us will be able to fit through the door.”

“What you on about?”

“Me, you – and your massive head!”

“Haha.”

 

 

**

 

He isn't sure what the others really think.

They've always been quite funny about him and Zayn - the way they are with each other.

Louis pretends to be a cynic when it comes to their love, but Liam knows he'd go to the ends of the earth to support and protect them.

He's aware all the same that they all think he and Zayn are crazy to have done what they've done.

He's heard the arguments ad nauseum, and it honestly doesn't matter what anyone else says – he and Zayn know it was the right thing to do.

It feels right, so right.

There’s no question, not a single one, that they did the right thing.

If the only way to truly know whether you're meant to be with someone is to be tested to near destruction, to have your relationship put under the most constant, and concerted pressure then he and Zayn are meant to be together!

He's more in love with him than ever, despite everything, despite the fact of living on top of each other – constantly, for years; despite the fact of seeing Zayn at his worst, at Zayn seeing him at his worst. It's not even been possible to act out and not have the world and his dog know you're fighting. And god, to sit still and watch the world believe you're in relationships with other people, to let it go, allow them to continue in that belief... To see all those pictures of you and your 'girlfriend', him and his 'girlfriend' splashed all over the papers, all across the social media platforms – and never being able to say he's a lot more than a mate; never being able to claim him publicly the way you long to do.

All of it, in his opinion, enough to destroy most relationships, but he and Zayn haven’t even come close.

And again, in his opinion, that's enough of a cosmic stamp of approval to make him vow to never ever give up on them. If the cosmic stamp of approval is theirs, then they owe it to themselves - and each other - to see it thorough, not allow any sort of adversity to get in their way.

He's been telling himself and latterly, Zayn, that all they need do is wait just a little longer, endure just that little bit more.

In all the tales he’s heard or had told to him, it was always the guy who turned away near the end of the road who ultimately fucked up. Invariably, had he taken just two steps more he'd have found that pot of gold, come upon Shangri-la or Paradise or something. Narnia?

Anyway, what was clear to him was that there was no way this could go on; it really couldn’t and wouldn’t go on forever, so it was down to him and Zayn to simply see it through.

Zayn was damn philosophical about this stuff and had given him lots of really pithy sayings and deep, intriguing quotes.

Course he couldn't remember half of them – not the actual word for word quote – but the sentiment he knew off by heart.

In a nutshell: don't let the bastards get you down, and the best revenge is to live well – to endure despite everything they threw at you, and prosper.

And he knew that, did try to live that philosophy, it was just that at times it all got too, too much and he'd come dangerously close to the edge.

But Zayn was always was there to catch him – before he fell.

 

 

**

 

He had to say it.

Zayn had shrugged and said that it didn’t matter: he was jealous and possessive of him and that's all there was to it.

“But I'm not going anywhere, babe. You know I'm not.”

“Don't care. I don't do it on purpose, babe. It's just how I feel. When I see anyone else around you, touching you I just get... Don't you feel the same?”

Well yes, of course he did, but he wasn't as bad! “Course, but it feels like you don't trust me, though, Zayn, like you think if you don’t keep tabs on me I'm gonna go off with another bloke.”

Another shrug, though Liam had seen the reflexive tightening of his lips when he said that. “I don't. Just don't like anyone touching- you.”

Liam was fairly sure that that sentence had been destined to end a different way, more on the lines of 'don't like anyone touching what's mine', but he didn’t call him on it. “Can't wrap me up in cotton wool, babe.”

“I don't want to. I want to put you in a suit of armour!” He's grinning in the way meant to disarm and deflect, but Liam's not ready to be either disarmed or deflected.

“It' s a bit embarrassing at times, though, babe.”

Zayn stares at him and Liam would love to say that he looks chastened, sorry, guilty. He doesn’t – he looks like he’s on the edge of saying: 'too bad, deal'. He shrugs a little, and looks away. “Sorry, babe.” And of course there is not one iota of 'okay then, I'll change my ways' about that at all.

“Just try to be a bit cooler about it, okay?”

Zayn nods, a sheepish half smile on his face.

Liam knows that he will possibly try, but not really hard and not with any expectation of getting anywhere with it.

Zayn thinks that he needs to be possessive, so he'll be reluctant to change that aspect of his behaviour.

Liam can't see inside his head so can't say for sure why he feels he needs to do that, but dearly he does feel the need and clearly Liam simply asking him to change wouldn’t cut it.

But when they decided to definitely get married, had planned it and were on the cusp of making it official they'd revisited the subject and this time Zayn had agreed that he'd cool it a little – the fact of them being official enough to make that crucial difference.

Yeah, right.

Not only had it made Zayn even less reasonable in that way, it had made him ultra, ultra possessive too!

So much for those long nights talking things through, resolving and making plans.

Now it was a race to see who'd tie whom to the bed first; who'd get the chastity belt designed and initiated first.

Blimey, it was as though, with this marriage, they'd gone right back to the Dark Ages....

 

**

 

 

He'd sort of scoffed when Zayn had first said the thing about Irishmen and how you simply couldn't trust them with your women. Zayn had sort of been joking – sort of – but though he hadn’t known him that well then, had sensed that he kinda wasn't. But Niall wasn't a playa. In Liam's opinion he was the opposite of a playa, and so, yeah, he'd dismissed it.

Looking back, being totally honest about it, he could now admit that the reason he hadn’t regarded Niall as a playa was because Zayn was his template for that.

He thought of Zayn as a playa simply because of his looks and that indefinable something he possessed that seemed to attract girls, made them sort of stupid and compliant. He'd seen it time and time again in the girls at school, and had unconsciously come to associate it wit ta certain type of guy – good-looking, sure of his appeal.

Zayn flirted effortlessly with girls, and aware that he did take them up on their offers whenever the opportunity presented itself, as far as Liam was concerned he was a playa.

Now, of course, he could see that this had been pretty much influenced (to put it mildly) by the fact that he simply saw Zayn through a very specific lens - the lens of pure animal attraction - leading him to view him in a very sexual way. Since he was so sexy, so attractive to girls, who were constantly throwing themselves at him, why on earth, since the opportunity was there, would he ever, ever say no?

But that hadn't been Zayn at all – simply his perception of Zayn.

All the time he'd been setting up Zayn with these phantom girls Zayn had been waiting for him to notice that he wasn't going anywhere, notice that he was simply waiting for him to switch his lights on and actually see what was in front of him.

But since his focus had been on painting Zayn as the playa par excellence he hadn't truly been able to see that 'quality' in Niall – until very recently.

Since he wasn’t interested in girls, Niall's interest was simply academic for him, not something he actively engaged, so he only ever got a peripheral view on his love life.

He didn't really understand Niall’s lovelife.

Niall seemed to epitomise the anything goes perspective on sex - and life. If he liked what he saw he'd go after it – Black, White, Asian, Chinese, male, female, young old...didn't seem to matter to Niall. And Liam did sort of admire that attitude, while at the same time being just a little confused by it.

He'd dated girls, and that had been okay – until he discovered boys. Zayn likewise. He didn’t consider himself gay, neither did Zayn, but neither of them expected to get involved with girls in the future. It wasn't like it was with Niall – that he simply liked whatever caught his eye. He and Zayn had dated girls because that had been what was expected, and for Zayn had been almost an experiment to see if he could do it, could make that choice, do that for the rest of his life. Knowing Zayn as he did, yeah, he probably would have been able to do that, too, but they both knew that wouldn't have been his preference.

Imagining Zayn married with kids makes him feel really weird. On one hand he can see him making a really good dad, really enjoying family life, but Liam knows he wouldn't have enjoyed the sex, probably wouldn’t have had a close relationship with his wife either. He knows this since he knows exactly what Zayn likes, what’s important to him, what makes him tick, and he knows that women don't really do it for him.

He's the same and figures that's probably why he's so perplexed by Niall's attitude. In his and Zayn's world men and women are definitely not equal, not in terms of long term appeal, at least, so though they could both sleep with women, neither of them could sustain long term relationships with them, whereas they both could with the right guy.

But thinking about Zayn with anyone but him makes him feel weird, disconnected, and absurdly jealous.

He's done this so many times before; sat down and worked himself into a tizzy imagining Zayn with other people - married to a beautiful woman who'd give him beautiful babies; entangled with and entranced by some of the gorgeous men he knows he meets on a regular basis – Pakistani, Muslim guys who have so much more in common with him than Liam does. And whenever he gives voice to these musings Zayn looks at him as though he's lost his mind, simply says 'it's you, babe' and carries on as if that's enough.

And for Zayn it obviously is.

Zayn makes it clear in his attitude to his misgivings that there really isn’t and will never be anyone else, and Liam knows that's enough, should be enough, but then he'll look at Zayn asleep beside him or unexpectedly come across one of the many images of his face on the internet, and it'll hit him again like a knife to the belly that this guy is a catch, so beautiful, clever, accomplished – desirable and desired. How could he ever rest on his laurels, take for granted that Zayn chose him, elected to give himself to him, and him alone?

He really doesn't understand why Zayn loves him; why he tells him with a catch in his voice that he's everything; that he's all he'd ever, ever wanted and all he'll ever need; why he assures him that the day they wed was the proudest moment of his life, the final piece of the puzzle that made him whole.

But maybe that's how it is; maybe that's how love is, that it's a matter of parity – that he loves you as much as you love him, but that you will never believe that anyone could love as hotly, as passionately, as wholeheartedly as you do, so you always expect to be out in front, as it were, to be the one giving a little more.

You see him so clearly and know why he's the zenith, the prince, the absolute king of your heart.

Harder to see why you're the king of his,.

But he's working on it and he thinks he's getting better, but every day he'll wake and count the many mistakes he's made; remember again just how weak he is and yet there's Zayn, loving him still.

He wonders sometimes when Zayn will wake up to the fact that he's so ordinary, so very, very ordinary, and simply leave him in the dust.

But he knows that's just a hangover from his own astonishment at the fact that he has Zayn's heart.

He genuinely wonders when he'll ever get used to that, ever take that for granted, since not even a marriage certificate seems to have put even a dent in that astonishment

 

**

 

Niall's has a certain something that girls – women – seem to really like.

He isn't a girl, so can't say what it is exactly they find so appealing, but having spent a lot of time with him of late he's begun to see how he operates.

He's quite persistent with his wooing, and that surprises Liam. He'd always believed that girls didn't like that, didn’t like to be pushed by guys (unless they were Zayn), but none of them seemed to mind.

Again, he'd never had any interest in Niall's love life, nor any interest in pursuing girls, so had never taken any real notice of him, of his flirtations or chatter about girls. Well, of course he'd had to pretend interest at first, before he and Zayn got together, but it had been lukewarm, and if asked to recount the things he'd said he'd have struggled.

But he and Niall have been spending time together lately.

They're friends, have always been friends so it wasn't exactly astonishing to find Niall expressing interest in hanging around with him more.

Just took a while to fathom the ulterior motive behind his interest.

Sophia was his 'girlfriend', and since she was his girlfriend she wasn't free to actually have a boyfriend, that was understood. He and Zayn could be together since no-one believed they were in a romantic relationship. People would interpret their affection as strictly platonic, and besides, they were both keeping a secret and could be trusted to keep it. With Sophia it was different – she actually had to be contractually bound to not pursue romantic relationships while employed as his girlfriend, so as to not weaken the fiction by bringing other elements in. The fewer moving parts to the lie the greater chance the lie stood of remaining undiscovered - so no boyfriends while she was under contract.

This was understood and he didn't think she had that much of a problem with it, not like she wasn't made aware of this going in, and she had plenty of incentive to grit her teeth and bear it. Once they were done they were done and she could date whomever she pleased, whenever she pleased. For now she had to simply accept that she had to deny herself the pleasure of a long term relationship until such time as she was given the green light.

He wasn’t sure he could do that, but maybe, given the right incentive he may have been able to.

She'd seemed okay with it – at first – until he'd begun to get the distinct impression that she thought she might be able to get some fringe benefits as part and parcel of their official arrangements.

Subtle stuff at first: hand left too long on his arm, a stare held too long, putting herself in his personal space the way girls did when they were of the opinion that men simply wanted pussy and would just cave if there were even the smallest chance of getting it.

He'd been insulted and angry at first, and guilty too, knowing he couldn’t tell Zayn; knowing that this would make Zayn even more infuriated than he already was with the arrangement, but he hadn't said anything to her, hadn’t indicated that he'd noticed anything, that there was anything to notice

But his fury had seeped through and by the time their tour was on the horizon he'd had enough, unable to bear being around her any longer.

He should have addressed it, of course – she was new to the thing, too, hadn't quite learned how to navigate the tricky waters of deceit and manipulation,

She knew it was all lies, but clearly a part of her couldn’t help but want to buy into the lies - a little – probably her ego unable to believe that a guy could pretend interest in her, hold hands with her, display affection in public and not actually feel anything.

She knew he wasn't gay, so this fact probably contributed to her erroneous assumptions.

She'd met Zayn, of course, and the fact that Zayn had been on his best behaviour had probably led her into a false sense of security. Since he and Zayn were never together around her she had clearly misread the true nature of the their relationship; clearly decided that he simply 'liked boys', not that he was in love with, in a serious relationship with Zayn.

He did everything in his power to let her know that not only was he not available, but that he absolutely wasn't interested in any case, but it had taken quite a while for that to get through.

He'd been rough with her he could admit that, not as respectful or kind as he could have been, but with Zayn getting increasingly irked by the very existence of this girlfriend and him getting stressed by that, stressed by the constant negotiation and renegotiation with their management teams she bore the brunt of that frustration.

Now, that they'd renegotiated – again – he'd found a greater resolve, a resolve to make it less painful this time – for all concerned. Zayn wouldn't like it, of course, but there was nothing to be done – had no choice as things stood other than to keep it going, make it more convincing this time so as to satisfy the management team's need to see him painted as the good boyfriend, the fully functionally straight member of the band.

He hadn't been convinced that she'd be willing to continue given how things had ended (he definitely hadn't been either kind or diplomatic), but there had to have been enough in it for her to have decided to try again. Zayn had pretty much rolled his eyes when he'd expressed these sentiments. He saw her as completely mercenary, and had fully expected that given enough cold, hard cash and promises of a lucrative deal she'd sign on for a little longer. And well, he couldn't really argue with that – she was back and willing to try even harder to make the thing work.

Zayn was unimpressed of course, but Liam appreciated it.

He had a plan and it most definitely required her cooperation to implement, so he softened his approach, found some respect and talked things through with her.

She'd been more than willing to ramp things up for him; to cooperate in every way. He even thought she might be actually enjoying the thing this time round.

And that did help, but it had still been difficult.

He hated lying at the best of times and hated lying about who he was, about whom he loved.

The fact that he can't tell the world he and Zayn are a couple, not only that, but a married couple is hard enough; having the world believe – being instrumental in having the world believe – that he's in love with someone else just adds insult to injury.

And there's a level of stress that comes with that that for all he tries he cannot handle, cannot simply take in his stride.

Zayn, now that they're married, has taken the mother hen role way too much to heart and is asking him to let it go, to end it, damn the consequences.

What he's conveniently forgetting is that Liam's doing it for them, for him, so that they don't fall foul of the team who are bound to come up with some stupid, ultimately damaging means to achieve the same end should they elect to not cooperate with the PR bearding.

So he can't and won't let it go until he's sure they’re 'safe'.

All he wants is the chance to be with him, to get concessions from them so they'll get to be together on tour (he has plans for Zayn in the US, for which he'll need their cooperation) and knows that the only way to do that is to give them what they want.

It's really not that hard - the hardest part is Zayn's displeasure, Zayn's lack of cooperation, and this is what's stressing him out.

He tries to keep that from Zayn, tries to hide that he's the one making things stressful, but knows Andy - and Niall – think he needs to talk to him, lay it on the line.

He just knows there's no point: since they got married Zayn's been less willing to take shit, as he puts it, seems to have got some fire in his belly about protecting him. And that's nice, Liam certainly appreciates it, but it doesn't really help them much at all. Unless Zayn's willing to go up toe-to-toe with the company, buy them out of their contract, take them on, end the group he thinks the canny thing to do is cooperate.

Pick their fights in other words, but just cooperate.

It's clear they can't win the individual battles, but there's a good chance of them surviving the war – scathed, but intact. They have to keep their heads below the parapet, though, stay out of the line of fire.

The only thing that truly matters is their relationship; so long as they're tight, solid, the rest will take care of itself.

He knows this to be true, Zayn does too, it's just that lately Zayn's been restless, impatient, the marriage taking him out of a groove and setting him inside a wholly different groove.

Liam doesn't have that luxury; he has to take care of their long term interests, do what's necessary to ensure their future – no matter how much it hurts, no matter how great a toll it might take on his mental and physical health.

He might end the war with some scars, but he'll return as a survivor.

For Zayn: he'll survive intact for Zayn.

 

 

**

 

If he'd ever stopped to give it any thought he'd have assumed that the fact of having sisters would make you more of an expert on girls than someone not so privileged.

Well, Louis has sisters, Harry has a sister, he and Zayn have sisters.

Niall doesn't, and yet Niall's the one who seems to be an expert on what girls like, what makes them tick.

Well, maybe it does make sense, after all – Niall's the only one who actually sleeps with girls; the only one who actively pursues girls, considers them viable romantic partners. So perhaps the deciding factor is interest – Niall's interested in girls so he studies them in order to better successfully pursue (and eventually catch) them.

He has no interest in girls, never really has, dating and pursuing girls only done in the past as something he felt to simply be part of growing up.

Zayn, likewise.

It's only fairly recently that he's understood that dating girls isn't as simple and straightforward as he'd always assumed. He'd taken it for granted that if a boy seemed interested in girls it was because he actually was interested in girls.

So, so naïve,

Still, only to be expected – at that age you had no real understanding of either sexuality or the variety of poses one had to take in order to survive the adult world.

Even now Zayn and Louis accuse him of being supremely naïve in matters of homophobia and the recognition that societal condemnation is a real thing that can actually wound and bruise. Well, he begs to differ, of course – he knows damn well how much that can bruise, but maybe they're right about him downplaying the depth of damage inherent in homophobia.

In his view, so long as he has evidence of a thing having been done by someone, more than one someone, then he'll take it on too, and wasn't going to allow the fact of a thing being hard or rarely accomplished to inhibit or derail him.

If there's something he wants done or that needs to be done then he is going to do it, no matter what.

Louis tells him that it's because he isn’t truly gay, doesn’t identify as gay so knows he can fall back on his heterosexuality, use it as a cushion – Zayn too (though he's aware that Louis wouldn’t actually say such a thing to Zayn's face). And in a way he does have a point, except Liam doesn't see himself as heterosexual, does sort of see himself as gay, just doesn't feel he has a right to the label, given his heterosexual past.

But he also doesn't think either he or Zayn would ever regard themselves as gay. To him, to Zayn that is such a specific thing, more of a political statement than anything, and they’re simply two guys in love with each other, attracted to other guys. They certainly don't think of themselves as gay.

He wonders, often wonders, exactly how Niall regards himself – master of sexual flexibility, perhaps.

Liam is still genuinely confused by him, aware that for all he and Zayn were always lukewarm toward girls and once they’d found what they wanted gave up the pretence, Niall is genuinely, genuinely into girls – and boys.

Liam always thinks that he's decided on a preference – finally – only to be proved wrong time and time again.

He supposes Niall might be bisexual, only he thinks that’s too easy, too convenient.

He knows from his own experience, from Zayn's experience that labels are just that - a convenience, to make everyone concerned feel secure.

He and Zayn aren't the same, though many would call them both bisexual; he, Zayn and Niall aren't the same, though many would call Niall bisexual too.

Until getting to that place himself he probably would have regarded both himself and Zayn as bi by dint of the fact that they'd slept with girls in their past, but knows now that that is way too simplistic, for having met so many other guys with a variety of experience as regards same sex relationships, as well as a variety of heterosexual experience knows that there are a myriad of reasons why someone would take the heterosexual route to their final destination.

The fact is he and Zayn were teenagers when they met and fell in love, and neither of them had had that much experience with girls – very little with boys. He knows that had he met Zayn earlier then he'd never have been with a girl at all; knows it's the same for Zayn.

It's been really tough for Zayn, being attracted to guys, and knows how important it was for him to prove to himself that he could do heterosexuality if he had to – which, given his background, seemed like it definitely would be.

But that's all it was - a cold-blooded act of pragmatism.

Now he has nothing to prove, not now he's married, got exactly what he wanted.

It still amazes him to know that Zayn slept with girls simply through frustration, purely to satisfy his sexual urges, and not boys since he saw that as an act of infidelity.

Liam understands that logic, however. Having slept with girls and slept with Zayn he absolutely knows the difference between sex with girls and sex with guys, knows that one you can do casually – means to an end – whereas there's a lot more engaged with the other - feelings, desire, more than the mere satisfying of an urge.

He's glad Zayn saw it as infidelity. Hard enough to know he's slept with other guys, but for him to have done it at that time, in response to his frustration over Liam's relationship with Danielle would have really hurt.

It hurt bad enough seeing him with girls – well, not seeing it just knowing he was doing it – but it would have killed him to know that he was sleeping with guys.

But that's all in the past.

They found each other, took their time, made sure it was right for the both of them, and now they’re here – together.

They were always going to get married; had been purely a matter of timing.

They'd decided to go for it earlier than originally planned because there’d been a sense of things spiralling out of their control. Marriage had been a way of sending a signal to all concerned, but also a psychological marker of that control. Seems like deep down they'd guessed that it would make a difference and it certainly had.

 

 

**

 

 

He was puzzled at first by Niall's attitude; he'd always been supportive, but had noticeably steered well clear of him and Danielle, saying hardly anything about either her or their relationship at all – not then and not now (not that he ever talked about her unless forced to).

He was different with Sophia.

Liam hadn't really been paying too much attention before so couldn't say whether or not he'd always been interested in her, but he was certainly not hiding his interest currently.

When he shared his suspicions with Zayn, Zayn had snorted, and not being a fan of Sophia, passed a remark that was not especially kind, but even he had to admit that Niall's interest might have within it the seeds of an unexpected and unlooked for advantage.

Still, he wasted no time reiterating the fact that since Niall was Irish he, therefore, really couldn’t be trusted with a man's girl.

And while Liam had to agree, he chose not to see this as a potential problem (so long as he confined his interest to girls and not to husbands), rather as something that might actually make his – and their – life easier.

 

 

**

 

“Mate, I gotta ask.” Niall looks at him, a brow raised in enquiry. “What's with the perving on my girlfriend?”

While he gives vent to his amusement Liam patiently awaits an answer.

“She's fit, man - really fit. You gotta admit she's hot.”

Liam who doesn't see it, merely shrugs. “Yeah, she's fit.”

“And she's going to waste, so...”

“How do you mean 'going to waste'?” He probably shouldn't be indignant, but the idea that anything's wasted on him makes his hackles rise a little.

“Well, come on, man, you know you’re not interested in her.”

“Well, obviously not – I'm with Zayn.”

“Exactly.”

“But you can't be doing her either, though, Niall. She needs to be single or it won't bloody work. She'll get in trouble. Me and Zayn'll get in trouble.”

Niall rests a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Mate, I will not fuck anything up for you and Zayn. I'm just saying she's fit, that's all, and if things were different I'd probably want to ask her out – if she was interested.”

“She isn't.”

“Mate...”

“I just don't want anything going wrong, Niall. You know how important it is for me and Zayn.” Niall's fierce embrace effectively stops him talking, and he gets the hint. He's started to panic as he thinks about all the things that might go wrong should Niall's interest in Sophia lead somewhere, and does need that anchor to bring him back to Earth.

It's generally Zayn providing the anchor, and if not him, then yeah, Niall.

It probably should annoy him that Niall knows how to manage him, but right now he's just grateful for it.

“Payno, I'm interested, but I will not do anything. I promise you, man.” Niall kisses him on the cheek, rubs his back rather like an animal tamer doing his best to bring his charge back to some kind of equilibrium.

“Okay,” he says eventually, calmer now.

“Alright?” Niall still sounds like a man speaking softly and carefully to a temperamental animal.

“Sorry, mate. You know how it is.”

“I do, and you know that I’d never do anything to mess things up for you and Zayn.”

“I know.” He feels a little foolish, now, but still, he'll take that if it means ensuring him and Zayn don't get messed up by anything Niall's doing.

“But she likes you, doesn’t she?”

Had he had the presence of mind he'd have denied it, or at least expressed puzzlement, but he was distracted, mind on Zayn, what he'd tell Zayn, and waited too long.

“Yeah, I can tell by the way she looks at you.” Niall's examining his expression with quite some intensity.

He's uncomfortable, not having discussed her interest with anyone, having done his best to pretend it's not there, but if he keeps trying to deny it that would be awkward – more awkward than it need be.

Niall's smack on the arm feels congratulatory, as much as to say Liam's won something, done something to gain this, and the truth is it's an element he can well live without, a little added tension that he would rather not have to deal with. “It's nothing serious,” he says, meaning it, but not sure he sounds at all convincing.

Niall's shrug confirms this impression. “I know,” he says. “But it's nice though, having a fit girl interested in you.”

Liam stares at him. “No, it's not, Nialler – it's bloody awkward. How do you think Zayn feels about it – or rather, if he knew, how do you think he'd feel?”

“Well, I know, I didn't mean it like that, just saying that it's nice to have someone fit interested even if you're not interested in them.”

Given that Liam doubts Niall could possibly know how that works, not being capable of seeing someone fit and not being interested he takes this with a grain of salt.

“I know, but don't want to talk about it, mate, okay?”

“Sure.” The pat on his back this time speaks of a sort of specific Niall type of patronage – the one that always says: 'mate, you're hopeless, but we love you anyway'.

Liam doesn’t know how he does it, but he definitely has the capacity to make statements with his touches, with his expressions, with the very way he often doesn't say a word.

Liam wishes he could do that, but he's as subtle as a great big purple elephant according to his sisters, so not much hope there then.

“Looking forward to Tommo's do, though. Gonna be good.” And yeah, though weddings as a general rule bore him to tears this is the first time he and Zayn are going to be out in public as a couple since the marriage so he is definitely up for it.

“Man, I know they're gonna put on a mega spread!” He's rubbing his hands in what in anyone else would be comic exaggeration, but for Niall is simply an unconscious future projection where he's knee deep in food and loving every minute...

Grinning, Liam gets him in a headlock before kindly allowing Niall to wrestle him to the floor.

His thoughts are racing and he uses the playfight as a distraction while he gets them into a semblance of order.

A tentative plan is forming, and before he can present it to Zayn he'll need to talk to Niall, revisit a subject he's not especially comfortable with, but well, that should be a given by now – for four years now he's been routinely venturing into places he has no wish to go.

And this ought to make things easier for them in the short and definitely the long term.

Zayn, being Zayn, probably wouldn’t be particularly impressed, but that was Zayn – you had to do some serious oiling of wheels to get him to agree to anything in that realm.

Zayn definitely doesn't believe in making his cooperation look like anything other than the process of extracting blood from stone, and while Liam can certainly sympathise he understands that sometimes the carrot is more effective than the stick and a smile gets you further than a scowl.

But before he can even sweet talk Zayn, oil his wheels, he needs to find a way to talk it through with Niall without compromising either of their positions.

He certainly doesn’t want to come across as some type of Black Country pimp, and doesn't want to encourage Niall to do anything that might end up jeopardizing things for him and Zayn.

Given that he expressly forbade him from doing anything with Sophia mere minutes before Niall's probably going to be fairly surprised at the whiplash change of heart, but being Niall won't express that in any way at all, so that's good.

Thank god it's Niall he's dealing with and not bloody Louis.

Louis would acquiesce, of course – he's good like that – but the price of his cooperation would be that he could take the piss for ever and a day.

Well, he'd pay that price if it meant making things easier for him and Zayn, he was just bloody glad he wouldn't have to.

So, how best to broach the subject...

 

 

**

 

So, he broached the subject with Niall, told Zayn what he was thinking and how he felt it might ultimately work out – and then Zayn went and had his own little 'talk' with Niall.

And not to say that was the last thing he'd wanted, but it was kinda the last thing he'd wanted.

Niall's a good mate, and very loyal to him, but Zayn has this way of getting people to make his wishes paramount, and it soon became clear that Zayn had added in his own little addendum, the parameters of which Niall clearly wasn't sharing.

It's slightly annoying, but Zayn has to feel like he has a measure of control in the situation, and if he has to do it this way then Liam will accept it.

They're all three of them on the same page, at the end of the day, and that is all that truly matters.

He can't really control what Niall does, or even what Sophia does, but so long as he and Zayn get some measure of control in this thing, they're content.

He doesn't think Sophia will create waves, but he has to talk to her, get her to co-operate. According to Niall she's shown that she's interested (in him), and since Liam hasn't been paying attention, since he has no interest in her lovelife, has to take him at his word. Niall is aware that this thing won't work half as well if only one party is onboard so trusts that he's got it in hand.

Talking to her about her interest in his mate isn't really something he relishes – they don't have that type of relationship where they could talk about this stuff, tease each other – and he expects to feel very awkward in the process.

But Zayn's waiting – 'patiently' – so he'd best get on with it then...

 

 

**

 

“Babe, come on, she really isn't that bad.”

Zayn chucks the chalk to one side, uses the old t-shirt that serves double duty as an eraser to clean the board. He has that look in his eye – the 'do-not-test-me-i'm-in-a-good-mood-for-now-but-that-could-change' look they've all come to recognise – and take careful note of. “She's up for fucking him, though, isn't she?”

Liam takes a deep, silent breath. “So long as they're not doing it on top of Blackpool Tower I don't see the problem.”

Zayn snorts but says nothing.

He doesn't like her, so isn't inclined to give her any credit for anything, at any time. Liam is aware of this, so knows to take Zayn's opinions with a grain of salt.

In his opinion the little talk Zayn had with Niall encompassed the task of proving she's a ho, so all this haughty sniffing is a little rank.

“Babe, I talked to her and she's honestly just as relieved as we are that we've got Niall on board.” He waits, watching his profile as he examines the chalkboard, head to one side. Liam loves him like this, hair hidden under a beanie, Liam's t-shirt tied around his waist (he likes to wear something of Liam's whenever he paints or draws), mind drifting elsewhere.

Zayn is mostly gone whenever he is doing anything creative and Liam really loves that; seeing that 'absence' in his face, in his eyes and mouth. Likes even better seeing him return; seeing that moment when he hears Liam's voice and snaps back to himself, eyes taking him in, the love and wonder in their depths absolutely flooring him, the both of them falling in love anew – every single time...

So Zayn doesn't reply, keeps looking at the board, mentally composing his piece, and Liam puts both arms around his waist and kisses his cheek, letting it go.

 

 

**

 

Sophia is like a woman who's just received an unexpected birthday present.

It's as if, fully aware she was to be involved in an arranged marriage, she'd been under the impression that the sullen, disinterested guy she'd been forced to keep company with, that her family told her was the one slated to be her future husband turned out not to be the suitor at all; that the suitor was actually the blue-eyed cutie with the exotic accent and charming manners, who'd been staring at her all morning, making his interest and admiration clear.

If she could have lifted up her skirts and whooped for joy he's sure she probably would have.

And as he'd sort of intuited, the fact of Niall's interest made her desire to co-operate in making the PR work went through the roof.

Before, she'd been a little sullen, knowing he was unmoved by her charms (he could tell that she found this a little insulting), and didn't seem especially inclined to make life any easier for him at all. Now, however, it was as if a light had been switched on within her and she now seemed to feel that the job had more of a purpose, that she could at least get something more from it than a wholly financial reward.

And, had to be said – all three of them definitely got a kick from the deception.

They were aware now that they could have Niall and Sophia in close proximity, being all loved up, and so long as he was in the picture making a funny face and putting the right caption under the photo, the world would be none the wiser.

He'd learned, much to his surprise, and consternation – initially – that social media could be used in any way one might wish, to forward any agenda, plant any idea or perception in the audience's mind.

And yes, at first he'd been appalled and worried by that fact, but now, now he just took full advantage.

He had only one goal, one aim, one concern: protect his and Zayn's relationship at all costs, by whatever means presented themselves.

Everything else was secondary.

 

 

 

**

 

He had considered wearing the ring – for about 5 seconds.

Zayn had tried to persuade him, tried to say that no-one would even notice, that he should just take a chance and see, and though he'd been tempted, really tempted, he'd known that Zayn was talking bollocks.

Zayn could get away with it – people didn't even notice – but he couldn't.

He did wear Zayn's watch, Zayn's wedding gift, but since he was in the habit of wearing watches all the time anyway, people definitely didn't notice.

This wasn’t good enough – for either of them.

Though wearing each other’s watches when they couldn't wear the rings was somewhat satisfying, the rings were where it was at and he hated that he couldn't display Zayn's ring on his finger – where everyone could see.

Still, at least he could do that when they were together, in private.

He kept his ring at Zayn's.

Zayn didn't trust him to always remember to bring it whenever he came round so kept it in a jewellery box for him (in the lounge) and that was the first thing he did when he arrived – put on his ring.

He didn't always remember to take it off when he left and he's sure that Zayn always remembered he was wearing it, but deliberately neglected to remind him to take it off.

He knew this because he knew Zayn.

Zayn didn't forget stuff like that and he knew that Zayn never, ever wanted him to take off the ring anyway, so...

It still feels so different; married to him – being his, him being yours.

He'd honestly felt that this might make the PR stuff with Sophia harder for Zayn to take, and in a way it does, but only because Zayn's more impatient now about ending the contracts entirely, and sees the PR stuff as irksome and annoying, symptomatic of the staleness of the deal they have with their management, now long past its sell-by-date.

Since Zayn can look in his eyes and see not only his heart, but his very soul, he is quite able to see the new lines the marriage has written into the sacred contract his soul has with Zayn's, and is, therefore, very much aware that nothing can breach that, that no-one else is able to make that same contract – break it either.

Only he can, only Zayn can.

And having found what so many people spend a lifetime searching for, why would they?

 

 

**

 

“Alright, mate?” He and Danny exchange a brief hug before he heads to the kitchen where he can hear and smell that Zayn's in a good mood.

The music is loud, the bass sending urgent signals to his hips and feet to start moving.

The aroma of frying chicken sends a likewise urgent signal to his belly to prepare for action and his taste-buds to sing a paean to Zayn later that night.

“Oh, mate, you are a lifesaver.”

“Where you been?” The words are peremptory, the glide into his arms and press of soft mouth on his the exact opposite of that.

He wonders how long he can hold him here before the chicken starts to burn, and whether it would be worth it anyway?

Danny, used to this, takes over the task of frying. “Man, you smell like chicken!”

Liam, kissing Zayn's face can attest to this, but doesn't really see what the problem is. “I love chicken. Chicken is my favouritest thing in the whole fucking wide world.”

Grinning, Zayn takes his bottom lip between his teeth and bites down – gently at first, then a little harder, knowing that that will send a nice little charge to his groin, the mischief in his eyes saying that he knows exactly what he's doing.

“Naughty,” Liam growls, taking a double handful of arse, pulling him in close so he can feel his handiwork for himself.

The way Zayn wraps his arms around his neck never, ever fails to have an effect, leaving him simultaneously mega aroused and made utterly weak with love.

“You're wearing your ring,” Zayn says, running his tongue across Liam's top lip.

“Wearing that, and something else too,” he tells him, voice lowered to a suggestive whisper. No reason for Danny to know everything they get up to in the bedroom. He already knows way more than he needs to!

Zayn looks at him, eyes dark with arousal, and Liam knows that he won't be eating chicken for now.

Well, no problem.

He works best on an empty stomach anyway, and there has never been any issue about working up an appetite.

And boy, does Zayn know how to work up an appetite!

 

 

**

 

 

“Oh, mate, you're not serious. Mate, that's bollocks.”

“Yeah, Liam, it's bollocks. I'd really make up something like them using me mam's wedding as a fucking excuse to get the fucking tabloids involved.”

“Didn't mean that, meant it's bollocks for them to do that. Mate, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well, sorry ain't gonna get us out of it, though.” He doesn't sigh, but Liam can tell by the strain in his voice that he's really not okay. It was probably a long drawn out battle for supremacy with the company and the company winning, leaving Louis battered and exhausted in the dust.

He and the company have been at loggerheads for a while and he thinks that Louis' pretty much given up the ghost – as they mostly all do at some point.

There's a way to deal with this stuff and it comes down to choosing the battles and not expecting to win straight off, of catching them in a good mood, or when they're occupied with other things, and getting concessions then.

You have to know how to play nice with them, know what they want, what they're willing to give, what they will and will not tolerate.

It's a little like handling a strict parent, who, though strict, does have reasons for their policies and once you get familiar with those reasons you'd definitely be able to get around them better.

Louis, for all he's savvy and smart, doesn't quite seem to know how to handle them and is constantly falling foul of the policies that, to him, seem completely unfathomable.

Zayn understands the policies just doesn't like to play the games, so always makes life harder for himself by internally rebelling.

He prefers to play the long game: wait them out, basically, but learn to get along with them so that the waiting isn't totally unpleasant – and you do get rewarded for being willing to meet them halfway.

He's shocked by this, really expected them to leave Louis' mum's wedding alone, and fears now that all the plans he and Zayn made are going to be completely fucked.

But it's not about him – or Zayn – it's about poor Louis.

“So your mum...”

“Don't wanna talk about it, mate, just thought I'd give you a heads up that they'll be coming for you next.”

“Shit, yeah, I know-”

“Let me know if you need any help getting Zayn down off the ceiling, mate.”

Liam closes his eyes.

 

 

**

 

It would be so nice to say that Zayn took the information in his stride.

So nice to say he greeted it with a resigned 'that's the way it goes' shrug; that he got in touch with Louis and commiserated with him on the fact of his mum's wedding being hijacked in this way.

Well, at least Louis got one thing right.

Zayn did indeed hit the roof, but no, not even with Louis' aid would Liam have managed to get him down – until he was good and ready...

 

 

**

 

“It's not Louis' fault. He has no fucking right to say it is.”

“Harry, I know, but-”

“I know he's angry about them involving the girls-”

“Mate, it's a bit more than that! Me and Zayn wanted to be there as a couple. How am I – or Zayn – gonna be happy about going to our best mate's mum's wedding with some fucking beard by our side! It's not fucking right, man. It's rank, really rank-”

“Well, how do you think it is for Louis pretending Eleanor's his girlfriend?”

“Sorry, mate, but that's not the same. No, listen; it's not like you and Lois are going there as a couple. Me and Zayn are – we want it to be us at the wedding instead of pretending we're there with the girls.”

Harry's silent for a moment as he lets that sink in. “Still, not right to blame Louis for it. You really think he had a choice, that he would have done it if he had a choice?”

“Mate, Zayn thinks he didn't try hard enough, that his mum didn't.”

“Well Zayn needs to fucking think about what he's saying. He knows it's different for Louis-”

“But is it? Isn't it the same for all of us, though? When it comes to the family stuff it is. I know we have to let them do stuff we ain't too comfy with, but they do draw the line – as long as we say where the line is. Sorry mate, but I think Louis' mum doesn't draw that line. Your mum does, Harry, got to admit. Mine does too. And Zayn's.”

He knows he has a point, knows that Harry will recognise that point. Whether he'll concede the point he doesn't know.

No-one's on Louis' side and it's like Harry feels obliged to take up for him.

Countless are the times he's done that, and Liam's fairly sure that this is simply a fundamental part of Harry’s nature – he's sure the status of his romantic relationship with Louis will make no odds.

“Fair enough, if that's what you think, Liam. I don't agree, but if that’s what you think, okay.”

“Mate, come on. Not like Zayn's deliberately having a go at Louis for no reason. He's making a point, and as far as I'm concerned it's a good one.”

“We all have to do things we don't bloody well want to, though, Liam. How is this any different? Why use this as an excuse to have a go at Louis?”

“Fucking hell, Harry! Because we're married, okay? And we do not fucking want to have to go to an event like this with other fucking people and pretend that's okay. How the fuck is that so hard to understand?”

“Don't take it out on me! I know it's tough, but this is getting us nowhere, fighting among ourselves-”

“You're the only one fighting. I told you why Zayn was mad at Louis – not even at him so much as stating that his mum could have and should have put her foot down . And he has a point, Harry. If we let them do this – when Jay could have at least tried to say no – then where will they draw the line next time?”

“I do get your point. My point is that no-one should be taking it out on Louis.”

“And no-one is. I'm not, even though I’m going to be there with bloody Sophia and therefore Zayn won't be there! And even though I won't enjoy myself cos I'm there with the person I have no interest in instead of being in public as a couple with Zayn! I'm trying to be okay with it, but it's up to Zayn if he wants to have it out with Louis. That’s his business – and for the record, I support him completely!”

Well, Harry could try to come back at him with another circular argument, but as far as he was concerned there was nothing more to be said and Harry had made him angry by simply reminding him why he had reason to be angry.

He'd have to do his very best to get over that anger by the time the fateful day dawned so he wouldn’t take it out on Sophia.

Pray god Niall would be wiling to do some of the heavy lifting for him on that day.

If Zayn went MIA as he'd threatened to do, well he'd definitely need to be held back...

 

 

**

 

Zayn's calm, but determined.

Far as he’s convened they’ve pushed it as far he's willing to let them.

“It's not even that, babe.” He's rubbing Liam's thigh, knowing he's upset him, doing his best to make things right. “I just don't want to feel that way again, feel like I hate them, like a helpless fucking victim. This time next year it'll be done, but until then I don't want to let them push me back to where I was back then.” A nod as he sees Liam acknowledge that he knows what he means. “And that means, in my own mind, holding that line. Know what I mean, babe?”

“I do, I just don't want you getting in trouble, not with everything else going on.” He takes Zayn's hand, holds it to his lips. “I love you, babe.”

Zayn's gentle fingers in his hair lets him know he understands, that he will respect and take Liam's feelings into account in whatever rebellion he decides to take up against the company.

And that is all Liam needs.

It won't be plain sailing; nothing has ever really proved to be, but there are ways to make it not quite so painful.

 

 

**

 

There are four words you should never say to Zayn:

“Can I trust you?”

Zayn will take this a personal affront and proceed to indeed give you reason to never trust him, ever again.

The way his finger flicks the switch of the clippers alerts Liam to the fact that he has probably blown it - big time. But Zayn's smiling sweetly, the clippers buzzing away in his hand.

“Course you can, babe. Hold still...”

 

 

**

 

Liam should, of course, have asked whether the haircut was designed to make him look his best – or his worst prior to giving Zayn the green light.

Of course he was gonna say: “Even your worst is better than anyone else's best, babe.”

Sure. Didn't really help - or answer the question.

The style was okay, though, couldn't complain.

“Suppose I should take the bum fluff off as well,”

“Leave it. I like it.”

Like he doesn't already know that! He was, after all, just testing...

“Can't get used to me with a beard.”

He swears Zayn's rolling his eyes, despite the fact he's smiling and hugging him. “Suits you, babe.” He punctuates this with a loud kiss on the neck.

“Gonna get rid for the wedding, though, babe.”

“I know. It'll be fine till then, though.” In other words: shave and I’ll kill you.

He knows why Zayn likes the beard does, however, get a kick out of teasing him. “You think? I dunno, might get rid for Tommo's mum's wedding...”

“Babe.” Zayn's arms are around his neck, face pressed against his. He smells heavenly. “Keep it low if it gets on your nerves, but don't shave it off.”

And that, is, the final word.

Zayn knows it, he knows it...

He smiles, turns to him and gets the kiss they both know he's been angling for. “Maybe. If you think so.”

Zayn doesn’t dignify that one with a verbal response.

 

 

 

**

 

Zayn simply asks that he respect his religious beliefs, respects their importance in his life. He doesn't expect Liam to take part in any of the rites and traditions nor learn anything but the basics (just so he can understand where he and his family are coming from).

But Liam's fascinated by all the things that make Zayn Zayn, and still intrigued by the way he and his family – sisters and cousins – seamlessly slot their cultural and religious beliefs and traditions into their lives, happily coexisting, he feels, in two very different world.

And is therefore always paying really close attention whenever they speak of those things they utterly take for granted.

He's learned a lot over the years and now they're going to be married has been studying quite hard to ensure he fully understands - and appreciates - the beauty Zayn finds in his culture.

He feels incredibly blessed that Zayn's family loved him from the start, even before he and Zayn became a couple. The fact that his parents adopted Zayn like a long lost child, means that they've never had to fight their families - in addition to the world - for the right to love each other.

He knows he's blessed – that they both are.

But Zayn would have fought for him, he knows that: would have never given him up.

Zayn's explicitly told him that, bringing them both to tears in the process, but now he recognises the depth of Zayn's love for him, knows it without the need to be told.

He shared with his mum how different it felt now they were wed and she said that she could tell, that she could see it for herself.

He wonders if other people who know them can too, but he suspects that maybe you'd have to be a mum to see into stuff like that.

He knows his and Zayn's mum talk about them all the time – giving them silent support every single day.

When they're in trouble and his mum and Trisha know this they'll get together and talk and talk for ages on the phone, knowing that somehow their support and encouragement amplified by the love they have between them will somehow find its way to him and Zayn, give them the courage to get through it.

His mum keeps reminding him that she and his dad had their problems but always found their way to the other side, and that just because 'you and Zayn are lads, sweetheart, doesn't mean you can't be together for 70 years!' And they really need to hear that, definitely need to hear stuff like that because sometimes when they look around and see no role models, no couples who've been together for 50 years, see instead all the 'evidence' telling them that gay men are promiscuous, that there's no such thing as loving long term relationship between two guys, it does get discouraging.

They do look for counter evidence, knowing they're sound without it, but feeling better for finding some all the same. And yes, once you know where to look, the evidence is all around: couples who’ve been together for yonks, happy, demonstrably as much in love as their straight counterparts.

Seeing that, seeing that evidence, that validation, makes him smile so big, and his heart feel like it's going to burst out of his chest..

When there were all those gay weddings in America he felt so proud, so happy, so encouraged. It felt very much like he and Zayn were being given the green light to take it forwards, a gentle, but firm assurance that it would be alright.

He didn’t want a civil partnership. While that was a step in the right direction, and if that was all he could have then that would have been acceptable, what he wanted was a proper, full blown wedding and no, he isn't religious but does understand, and not just from Zayn, that these things matter, that when you make those vows it matters on more than one level.

And that's where he wanted to go with his vows to Zayn – not just a piece of paper, not just a signature in a register, but something deep and permanent that only marriage could offer.

They could be a couple after all, nothing at all was stopping them from being a couple.

But that wasn't what either them wanted,

They knew this was it for the both of them, that no-one else would do, so they want to get that recognised, dedicate their love, in that way, to Allah since they aren’t in any way, on any level, ashamed of that love.

 

 

**

 

“I’m going to be a grumpy pants all day, Zayn. You know that, don't you?”

There's a short silence and he imagines Zayn thinking; 'you'd fucking better be!' “I know, but do your best, right, babe? Smile for the cameras and that.”

“Probably break the lens with my grumpy face.”

“Probably.”

Liam laughs, because Zayn finds it so hard to keep it down for long, not able to express a sympathy he doesn't feel with any real conviction.

As far as he's concerned Liam shouldn’t be anywhere near the wedding, but tucked up on the sofa – with him – and he's not going to change his mind on that score any time soon.

“You'll be back home by tonight though.” I need you.

“With bells on. Don't drink too much.” I've got plans for you, for which I need you to be fully present.

“Promise.”

“Make sure Niall keeps her occupied.”

Liam silently shakes his head, but merely says. “Will do.”

“Love you.”

“Love you more.”

 

 

**

 

It's worse than he expected, the resentment Zayn harbours toward the entire set up lingering on him, trailing its tendrils over and around him and others are able to feel it, imbibe it.

It's not the most joyous occasion he's ever attended, the thing completely different than it should have been.

He does try to shake off the mood, but not very hard: all he can feel is the empty place where Zayn's meant to be, his absence like a physical ache, and even when the cameras are in his face he cannot find the will to access the Fake Liam persona he needs to pull this off.

All he can do is count the seconds until he's home with Zayn.

Sophia is enjoying herself – good for her. What does she have to lose? What's in in it for her, but positives all the way?

She doesn't even get the full measure of his grumpy resentment, having the sense to steer clear when the cameras aren't around.

She knows how he feels about her presence here and doesn't try to pretend it's anything other than what it is – a bind for him, an annoyance he could do without.

And of course she has Eleanor and Niall to keep her occupied. Eleanor to bond with over the vagaries of bearding and Niall to flirt with, to feel warm and fuzzy, desired and desirable for.

That's grand, really great.

And he has to sit here bored to tears, missing the hell out of Zayn, the calls he makes periodically – between work – only adding to the problem (though obviously he's not going to stop making them).

No, this isn't the worst wedding he's ever been to, though actually in a way it kinda is. It's the time he'll probably look back on as the turning point, the point where he really started to question just how much power the company really had and how much power they were giving them, by simply going along with things.

He will probably never have the same respect for Jay and her husband he once did, knowing they allowed their special day to be used in this manner.

He'd never do it, Zayn would never do it, and, more importantly, their parents wouldn't do it, so despite what Louis might say or Harry might say in defence of Louis and Jay, he feels that they allowed a line to be crossed that shouldn’t and need never have been crossed.

But that’s okay, it's at least allowed him and Zayn to firm up their resolve, learn a few things, lessons they’ll be able to put into practice later.

That is how they’ve learned to look at things now; not take everything to heart, always find the positive in everything that befalls them.

That is the only way to take control, wrest it back when all appears to be about to spin entirely out of control.

Not easy by any means, but it's working, so they'll keep doing it.

 

 

**

 

Well, at least Zayn loved him up before going off on one for the rest of the night.

At least he was loved up – mellow and content – enough to let him, enough to even join in every now and again.

So long as Zayn wasn’t having a go at him and wasn't truly upset he actually loved him going off on one.

Very entertaining.

Didn't even mind when he accessed the bitchiest part of himself to deal Sophia some heavy blows.

Obviously she wasn’t that bad, but Zayn's allowed to paint her with his blackest brush.

Not like he didn't have cause, and since it made him better able to deal with her presence in their lives – and prevented him actually being a rude fucker to her face – Liam welcomed the bitchy moments.

Whatever they needed to get through this was fine as far as he was concerned.

And what Sophia didn't know, couldn't hear, couldn't hurt her.

Not like he didn’t routinely mock her, using the nickname Zayn had given her (just as Zayn used the nickname he'd given Perrie) and feeling absolutely no guilt when he smiled in her face.

That was between him and Zayn.

They hadn’t fucking asked for these women to insert themselves into their lives, so of course they weren't going to be given the respect they might deserve. Well, Sophia – maybe.

Perald didn't even deserve the time of day let alone respect.

Every time Zayn got back from a job with her he had to restrain the impulse to strip him and bathe him in industrial strength anti-venin.

Zayn hated her so much he actually shut down a large portion of his consciousness in order to survive her presence.

And had to detox when he came home.

Liam just hated that he couldn't always be around to help him; knew exactly how to do it.

He wasn't sure who hated her more. He thought Zayn might, but had to hold it down since he knew he'd have to be around her, and giving in to his hatred simply wouldn't allow him to do that.

Zayn certainly hated Sophia more than he did. Didn't really hate her these days – never really had, just resented the fuck out of what she stood for and that, of course had translated – badly - to resenting the fuck out of her on a personal level.

Not so much now, though. Especially now she was being so much more understanding. Still didn't quite get him and Zayn, but then again, who the fuck did? At least she understands the reasons why, and the importance of selling the thing, understands the reasons why he wasn't always all happy clappy about the PR shit, and knows not to take it personally.

He recounts every single conversation he and Sophia have with Zayn, though it's not always the passage to a calm and quiet night...

“Oh she thinks she should link your arm instead of just standing next to you, does she?”

Liam doesn’t roll his eyes: he'd known he was going to react that way. “She thinks – correction she and Niall think – it just looks more natural, like she's into me or something...” He stares at Zayn, Zayn stares back.

Liam waits for the explosion. Well, with Zayn it's not going to be an explosion.

Implosion?

“She'd better not fucking look like she's 'into you', babe. She'd better bloody not.”

“Zayn, come on, man. You know we have to make this thing work. The more we can make it look good for the papers the less we'll have to do.”

“I don't like her. She doesn't know her place.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Like he doesn't know; not like he doesn't think the exact same thing.

“She seems to think she's fucking important – she isn't fucking important. She's got a job to do and it's a rank fucking job at that, so she should be fucking grateful someone isn't telling her to her face to step off!”

And you are only just stopping yourself from volunteering for that task, aren't you? “Babe, come on,.” He gets hold of him, thrilled by the way his frame is quivering with indignation. One of the things he loves most about Zayn's body is the way that it is so slight and yet so strong. It never fails to turn him the fuck on, even at inappropriate moments...

He runs his hand down Zayn's chest, rests it firmly against his flat belly, and wonders how soon they can end the conversation, which obviously isn't actually going anywhere new... “Give her a chance. I told you, the thing with Niall's actually working. She definitely understands that it's different this time, that she has a specific role to play, and to be honest babe, she's doing well.”

Zayn leans into him, resting his entire body in his embrace, surrendering the anger – just for his sake. “I don't want to call her out, babe, but I will do if she doesn't fix up.”

Liam places a gentle kiss in the tangle of his hair, hoping to reach the ear he trusts is there. “Zayn, she can't 'fix up' – she needs to make it look like she's in love with me.”

Zayn snorts, but restrains himself.

Liam assumes that whatever response he has to make is being saved for bed, and kisses him again, not only as reward for the restraint, but as encouragement for the lack of restraint he fully expects later.

“Just let her do her job, babe. I swear to you it's better that way.”

Zayn doesn't respond since he knows Liam's right.

They resent having to do it, but are both agreed that it's the way to go.

No-one, however, ever said that means you have to like it.

 

**

 

The first thing he'll do when they get out of this contract is take Zayn on holiday. No, not the honeymoon they're going to have – official honeymoon – but somewhere with just the two of them, with no need to camouflage it with the presence of his family; the subterfuge designed to ensure no-one could know Zayn was there, too.

No, they're going to openly go away together and just let anyone try to say anything about that.

Not that anyone bloody would, and even if they did, would they care?

It irks the fuck out of him that he has to go on holiday with Sophia in tow. Fair enough, Zayn had has own commitments, but he still hates that people think that he's away enjoying himself with her – through choice; that he'd not have rather been at home, connecting with Zayn, having their own little holiday.

Two days with Zayn and his family up in Bradford is better than any bloody boat trip in the South of France!

But no, the PR circus is in town and he's the main attraction.

Well, why not give them a fucking show then?

Andy's there, Paddy as always, and some of the PR people, so he has at least some chance of enjoying it.

The thought of being there with just her, just the two of them is pretty much his worst nightmare, and if it wasn't already part of the contract to have the PR there he'd have had it written in – just as he had it written in to never be alone with her, to always have some friends there, otherwise he'd fuck it up.

Able to see the wisdom of this they'd happily complied, and in many ways, this had been the saving grace of the new PR contract – make him happy by having his friends around then that might, by osmosis, extend to her, make him mellow enough to actually look light and happy whenever she was around. Clearly it wasn't going to happen because of her presence, so the trick was to take advantage of the fact that he was having a good time with his friends by snapping pictures of the two of them seemingly happy and enchanted with each other – making each other smile.

And thank god that she and Niall had hit it off so well, so that he could go to the concerts and the sports matches with the both of them and she'd be happy because Niall was there and he'd be happy because Niall was there, too.

Zayn couldn't really complain about the arrangement – definitely made things easier for him and therefore for them – but this was Zayn and Zayn hated Sophia...

 

 

**

 

“I knew you were going to say that! It wasn't even like that.”

“Babe, you wouldn't know what to do with a pussy if it jumped up and waved hello, so it's not that.”

“Hey, I know what to do, I just would rather not.” He's smiling, though shouldn't he be offended?

“I just don't like what it looks like in the papers.”

“Tabloids, babe. I was told to give them a photo op.” He shrugs, knowing he'd taken that a little too literally. “I gave them a photo op.”

“She's got a rank arse.” He sounds like a bitchy 5 year old.

Liam laughs. “Well, how good a judge are you when it comes to girls' arses?”

“Know a rank one when I see one.”

Liam, shaking his head, lets it go. “I'm glad it's over.”

“Yeah, all over the papers.”

“Zayn..” But he hears him giggling and realises he's taking the piss – out of himself more than anything. Zayn knows he has no reason to be jealous, knows that his resentment and dislike of Sophia leads him by the nose at times, and isn't above acknowledging that. One of the many reasons Liam loves him so. “Miss you, by the way.”

“Miss you more.”

“Aright for me to come up tonight?”

“I'll be coming down in a bit.”

“You sure?”

“Course I’m sure. Didn't I just say I miss you?”

“I think I missed that one.”

So Zayn says it in Urdu and then 'I love you', also in Urdu.

And Liam – predictable as night following day – melts, and since he’s been practising and practising says 'I love you, too, always and forever' in Urdu, and listens to the breathless silence on the other end of the line...


End file.
